The Stoicism Behind Reinhold Niebuhr's Christian Serenity Prayer
Words about what we can and cannot change
As a future clinician, I become really intrigued by movies that depict the journey of addicted individuals towards redemption, like The Way Back,
starring the infamous Ben Affleck. The movie left me exhilarated enough to make my own research regarding AA meetings and twelve-step programs.
While I consider myself anything but a conservative Christian, I try to be open-minded to the power of narrative truth, as explained in a previous article. Having scrambled through tens of ideas, approaches, and programs,
I managed to single out a poem, often referred to as the serenity prayer, by the theologian Reinhold Niebuhr:
‘God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.’
Although Niebuhr composed the prayer in 1932–33, it was later used and popularized through church groups and Alcoholics Anonymous in the 1930s and 1940s. This resulted in the poem taking many different forms. Luckily, the following heirs kept the underlying Stoic message intact, as it perfectly reflected the work in AA meetings, succinctly but whole-heartedly.
Unlike the Stoics, Niebuhr, like the theologian he was, focused on the power of prayer and the omniscient capacity of an external savior.
However, if we consider his message in a symbolic manner (and God something entirely internal and subjective), it is quite similar to what the Ancient Romans wrote about: It is up to us, as individuals, to differentiate between what we can and cannot change, and act accordingly.
What We Cannot Change
There are things that are completely out of our control, like the weather, external criticism, and the emergence of an unexpected illness or tragedy.
Significant or not, these events still manage to pierce through our sensory
system, perception, behavioral output, and ultimately affect our physical and mental operations.
Although we can’t change what’s outside of our control, we can cultivate our emotional world and reactivity. We can learn how to adapt and react in a more functional and meaningful way to preserve our equanimity.
That’s why having the serenity to accept these events is important.
The absence of equanimity and the need for humans to cultivate acceptance against external and uncontrolled circumstances was a central theme in Stoic literature. In his book, Enchiridion and Selections from the Discourses, Epictetus
wrote:
“The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others. Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men.”
Serenity is the first step towards a balanced way of living, without being disturbed by our inadequacy to alter what cannot be altered. Owning our thoughts, emotions, and behavior in the face of external events, and having the serenity to reconcile with them is essential in order to turn our gaze at what’s urgent, namely, what can be changed.
We can’t change our DNA (I hope not), predispositions, our traumatic past, or the judgment from our social circle, but we can definitely remodel our attitude in the now and our future steps. This brings me to my next point.
What We Can Change
After making amends with what’s outside of our control, it’s paramount to understand that abdicating responsibility is not an option if we desire a different outcome or future.
Of course, understanding is crucial, but not enough. We need to stand up with our shoulders back and take action, within the realm of what can be changed. And that’s where courage, which plays a central role in Niebuhr's serenity prayer, comes in.
It takes courage to take responsibility for our life, carry our own cross, and decide to change what’s in the range of our control. It takes courage to face adversity and move onwards despite our fear and uncertainty. It takes courage to share and accept our story wholeheartedly, show our scars, and pave our own road.
Personally, I feel that Stoicism is promoting the emergence of a courageous individual, that doesn’t get stultified by what can’t be changed, like past actions and external events, but instead focuses on what can be altered.
In his book, Discourses (2.5.4–5), Epictetus wrote:
“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…”
According to the Stoics, this can happen by engendering an approach closely related to rationality. It’s worth noting that rationality doesn’t correlate with the absence of emotions, but instead, with a careful examination of and response to them.
What’s more courageous than examining your internal world, diving deep inside your shadow, and finally emerging victorious? What’s more courageous than examining your addictive behavior, taking responsibility, and moving towards the light? What’s more Stoic than knowing when to act with courage?
Know The Difference
It is my view that the most integral point of Niebuhr’s serenity prayer has to do with the virtue of wisdom. This virtue even transcends Stoicism's core value, which is rationality, as it promotes one’s capacity to overcome cognitive boundaries, heuristics, and illusions.
Rationality, as fancy it may sound, can still be limited and biased, that’s why the ability to differentiate between what can be controlled vs what can’t, ultimately comes down to wisdom. Having this ‘tool’ in our arsenal can make us more independent and strong individuals in our day-to-day transactions.
It can provide clairvoyance, balance, and meaning.
Another famous Stoic, the emperor Marcus Aurelius, wrote in his book, Meditations:
“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
Serenity to accept what can’t be changed is the starting point. Courage to take action and alter what can be altered is essential. But knowing the difference is what produces transformation, as it dictates our final attitude, decision, and action, especially in addicted individuals like in AA groups.
That’s why I consider wisdom to know the difference, a true strength, as the Stoics did.
Takeaway
It’s easy to get entrenched in the turmoil of the 21st century, where people are thirsty for objective and pragmatic information. It’s easy to abandon narrative and poetic truth for the sake of more functional and easily accessible capsules
of knowledge, like the ones provided by the Stoics.
But I think that there’s wisdom to be found in religious literature that has its origins thousands of years in the past. For instance, we see that a Theologian, like Reinhold Niebuhr, used a Stoic approach and combined it with faith, thus producing the infamous serenity prayer that AA meetings still use today.
For sure, an axiomatic presupposition of studying such literature is the willingness to accept narrative and symbolic truth, merge it with objective reality, and ultimately make it something pragmatic for ourselves.
In conclusion, Niebuhr, like the Stoics, described internal and external events by separating them between :
- Those that can’t be changed
- Those that can be changed
It’s our responsibility to differentiate between the two types of circumstances with serenity and wisdom, and act in a courageous manner accordingly.
